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I’m backing off fully as a result of it’s just too painful and it is doing hurt to my self esteem. It’s not a matter of seeing girls as sex objects” or any of that drained feminist bullcrap. It is a matter of realizing that we only have a lot time right here on earth and we won’t afford to spend it catering to people who don’t want us.
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I am afraid of being alone, having no associates, then, but it’s perhaps higher than experiencing the friendship disloyality. It feels disrespectful to myself to let these guys to stay round me and faux friendship. It’s basically a type of a lie, a betrayal in friendship. As if I were good only for validating their worth (seen in the sexual attraction). If I don´t do it on a acutely aware stage, I might be slowly manipulated in it. If it doesn’t work even now, then I will be thrown away (it really leaves me with the feeling what did I do mistaken, and that this masculine part in me is obviously not adequate).
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I puzzled to myself as effectively, if when you might have this rush of emotion is it always reciprocated by the opposite person, do they get the identical too, if they present an attraction, do the levels differ depending on what they look for in a person and maybe by their father or mother traits? So fascinating but in addition so irritating. That is such a giant thing in our lives and we nonetheless do not really perceive it totally.